punpun-kirakira:

patrickat:

nihilisticc:

So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.

This isn’t funny. That’s the gateway drug to a full blown marinara addiction. It’s good this was caught before this kid started hanging out at Olive Garden and sucking on every breadstick he can find to score another hit.

IT GOT BETTER.

punpun-kirakira:

patrickat:

nihilisticc:

So my parents just found out about my fourteen year old brother smoking weed because they found this on his window ledge. So in the middle of a huge lecture my dad decides to open the Baggie and smell it to see how strong it is. He immediately starts crying with laughter. THIS NIGGA HAS BEEN BUYING AND SMOKING FUCKING OREGANO. FUCKIN ITALIAN HERBS. SON. I CAN’T. I CANNOT. I CAN’T DO THIS.

This isn’t funny. That’s the gateway drug to a full blown marinara addiction. It’s good this was caught before this kid started hanging out at Olive Garden and sucking on every breadstick he can find to score another hit.

IT GOT BETTER.

roryomalley:

i’ve never met hugh jackman but i trust him.

northmiamigoon:

ion fuck with that playful flirting like a girl be like “hey ugly 😛” or “wassup big head😁” my head ain’t eem that big and my self esteem delicate please chill

londongrimshaw:

[falls in the shower] parkour

Me: Where are the owls? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?
Hooters Waitress: Please sir, you're causing a fuss and disturbing the other customers-
Me: *banging my hands rhythmically on the table* WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?
f0o0od:

red wine chocolate cake

rnicrophone:

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

image

Pro-lifer: Would you have wanted to be aborted
Me: Yes
your-kouhai:

FREE HIM

your-kouhai:

FREE HIM

152,552 plays

ge0rgewashington:

me talking to the rest of the class before a big test